Totally Dependent

Your newborn child is in your arms. What feelings come to your heart? What thoughts come through your mind? You are a parent! What are you supposed to do? You have to raise her! But what does that mean?

Raising a child is much more that providing food and shelter so that nature can run its course and the little body magically blossoms in front of your eyes. As you realize you have an amazing human being in our hands, a huge responsibility unloads on your shoulders. Raising him up means educating, cultivating, guiding, instructing, disciplining him, and much more. That is an awesome task, and it requires all your concentration, dedication, and perseverance.

You need to assess where your little one is and where you want him to be. Let us talk about your first goal. You want him to be independent, but his level of independence is zero! He is totally dependent on you. You might feel good when you think that you have a little girl who needs you. The idea you have total control over your baby boy might make you feel superb. But your goal is to prepare him or her to live without you.

Raisin Independent Children Is A Must

This is the natural course of life. Very soon you will not be able to be around them twenty-four hours a day. Soon, they would want to be independent. Promptly, they will move out! You will definitely have to leave them one day. Therefore, it is absolutely imperative that you educate them to be one hundred percent independent of you.

Wanting to be independent is one thing; having the skills to be independent is another. You do not have to develop the desire for independence in your child. That will come spontaneously. The skills, however, have to be learned. Learning to be independent is a long process, and you have to start coaching as early as possible.

Skills They Must Have

In order to be independent, your little ones have to learn how to make responsible decisions on their own, fix their own mistakes, deal with their own tough circumstances, solve their problems, set their goals, and face their obstacles. Remember they are human beings, so they will rather have no blocks in their path. They will run to you to solve their problems. They will be negligent with their goals, and they will be reluctant to make difficult decisions.

What To Do And What Not To Do

Do not overprotect them. Do not make all their decisions for them. Do not solve all their problems. Do not open all their doors. Do not shield them for making mistakes. Do not make up for their unattained goals. Even if it is painful, they have to learn to be independent. Make them choose. Be firm about their facing the consequences of their mistakes. If they come to you with a problem, ask them “how can you solve that?” Talk to them. Help them find the information they need. Be with them when they struggle, but insist that they fight their own battles and win their own victories. This will give them confidence and boost their self-esteem.

Do not make excuses for yourself. Forget about giving him all things you did not have. Satisfying all his wishes does not make him an independent man.  Be aware of the temptation to become a protectionist. Make sure your children are not in any danger, but be willing to allow minor “falls and bruises,” which can teach valuable lessons. Do not think your precious one will learn when she is older. Let her learn as soon as the opportunity arises. Learning independence takes a lot of practice.

Your children need to feed themselves as soon as they can. They need to dress themselves up and clean themselves. They need to be responsible with their chores, their  belongings, and their time or consistently face appropriate consequences. Permissive parenting does not promote independence, but immaturity and self-indulgence.